Mistakes

We all make mistakes. None of us are perfect. We all have our own battles to fight and we all have our own scars. I have a history of self harming. It’s been so bad that id lay in my shower cutting and cutting. All id see is blood. I was never scared or worried, if anything I felt content. I was taking the other pain away and replacing it with new pain that I caused myself. As I look back now I cant imagine myself getting to that point. I still struggle with depression and anxiety but I haven’t cut for months.. up until today. I fucked up so bad. I hurt the only person who’s been their for me through thick and thin. My best friend.. someone I’ve known for almost 9 years. The person I went to when my mom abused me, the person I went to when my parents abandoned me and my sister, the person who knew exactly how I felt and the person who would held me while I cried. I can honestly say i wouldn’t be here without her. If she wasn’t in my life I would have killed myself but she was always there. We had each other and as long as we did we knew we’d be alright. But knowing me it couldn’t last forever , I eventually fucked it all up and now I’ve lost her. This isn’t a suicide note, this is just me trying to get the pain out. I’m stupid for hurting her just like everyone else did. If I could go back and change everything I would. But I can’t and that will haunt me forever. I don’t really know what to do. All I know is I want to cause myself the same pain I caused her.

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